he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
