PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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