I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize