Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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