Don't make out with my wife yet
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
