1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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