Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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