$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
