you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
