U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wrigley field is MILF paradise
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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