I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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