You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
