no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
