1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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