just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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