Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there's paper in my vomit.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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