he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
