I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
