bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
