..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize