no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
