When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
