Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone shit on the floor
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
