but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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