where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
