In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
