And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
