Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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