I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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