it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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