I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
