i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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