If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
