idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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