Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
