so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you never un-have a 4some
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
