i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
