we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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