I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize