I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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