i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
