just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize