my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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