If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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