His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
