I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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