and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
