He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
