let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
