I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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