having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
