marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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