what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
