i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
