Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
