Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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