Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
