I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
