My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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