There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's blow job season.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
