Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
