Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
