i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize