Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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