im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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