when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
